My ‘Why’ - part 1 of, well, a few perhaps…

{When you’ve got something you want to accomplish that most likely isn’t going to be easy, the ‘why’ is arguably the most important aspect.  ‘Cause when times get tough, it’s that ‘why’ that’s going to keep you pushing through.  I was reading an ebook recently by a guy named Michael Dlouhy and I like the way he put he.  He said (and I’m paraphrasing here a bit) that mostly likely the thing you’re trying to do isn’t easy (otherwise you would’ve done it by now), and so, if you’re why is not there, or it’s only let’s say “70% strong”, then when you come up against an obstacle that’s “80% strong” (be that obstacle fear, doubt, lack of funds, lack of resources - there are reasons NOT to do something literally everywhere you look, there’s something you could always be doing instead), you’re done.  That ‘why’ has got to be there, and it’s got to be good - 99% strong.  So here’s mine, well, part of it anyways…}

All through my life, I’ve done things as “good enough”.  All through school my report cards read more or less the exact same way…”Has potential, could do better.”  My average in high school never left the 68-72% range until grade 13 (and 14^-^) when I knew I had to do better if I wanted to go to university, and even then, though my grades in certain classes were significantly better, they were still just good enough to get me in.

Then once in university, and my apologies to my dad on this, I just scraped by - failing courses, passing with Cs and Ds, doing just enough in the classes that affected my program to keep my average just above the point of getting kicked out.  But it was easy to justify.  I was excelling at the program I felt I was really in, ‘life’, and I still had the luxury of that mentality “Wh0 I’m gonna be”, meaning I was still a student.  Real life hadn’t arrived yet.

But then I graduated.  Spent some time out west skiing (which was awesome!!), and then came to Korea.  Now, this was the first time when my mentality started to change.  Not being a student anymore, it was no longer “who I’m gonna be”, but “Who I am.”  And I will admit, that did give me a certain kick and when I got here, I began to study Korean, harder than I’d ever studied anything in my life.  The first year, I will admit, I was quite proud of myself, but after about a year of it, my usual ways kicked in.  I was conversational, and I decided that wouldn’t study anymore, I’d just learn conversationally, which, execpt for a few brief stints, I continued up until even now.

For the first 5 years in Korea, things continued to improve and I continued to get better and better jobs - even to the point of starting our own little school, but after a little while, it started seeming like a trap to me.  Yes, they were better, but the words of my report cards from my whole life ago kept ringing in my head…”Could do better.”  I felt like the improvements in contracts (salary, vacation time, etc) were just good enough to keep me thinking I was advancing, and to keep me comfortable, but that it was that comfort that was stopping me from really reaching my potential - really seeing what I could do.

Fast forwarding to about a year and a half ago, I decided that enough was enough, I was going to make a go at this.  I didn’t know what ‘this’ was, or was going to be, but I thought I’d start. Skipping through part of the story that will be saved for another time, I quickly found myself studying the second subject I’d ever studied with any great passion - direct marketing.

Now, similar to the Korean thing, I started quickly out of the gates, but again found myself getting too often caught up in the ‘other things I could be doing’ and not really giving it my all - not doing it to my full potential (dammit, were my teachers right way back in elementary/middle/high school when they said if I didn’t break the habits then, they’d be near impossible to break when I’m older?)

I’ll have to go back here a bit and get into another fear that had been slowly growing in me as my years here in Korea passed, and that was about my parents.  They weren’t/aren’t getting any younger.  Was it right for me to be over here while they were there, and not spending the time with them I should be?  I could usually justify it fairly easily as I knew they supported me being here, and actually did a similar thing when they were about my age (meaning, lived overseas), but the fear of “What if something happens to one of them, and I spent the last of our time away” kept growing.  And then it happened.

I didn’t have a strong enough ‘why’ and so I a-little-more-than-half-assed it for long enough, and my ‘why’ got handed to me.  The phone call came…

“Rob,” they began, “they’ve found a lump on your father’s brain.” Easily the worst moment of my life.

Now, a little bit about my father.  He’s easily the man I respect most in this world for the amount he’s worked to give our family what we have, to put up with me and the way I liked (like) to do things, and to give me everything he’s given me, including the opportunity to go to school, come to Korea, the freedom to be who and do what I wanted, and the opportunity to be sitting here typing this, which, as I do, can’t help but well up a bit.

But basically, after hearing that news, my world came crashing down around me.  Like I said, my ‘why’ was created.  ‘Cause for us (Renee and I), the way I saw it, we could move back to Canada, but that really wasn’t a long term answer ’cause that would just put Renee in the same position I had been - spending time overseas while her family was over here.

But something had to be done.  I felt I had to figure out a way for us to basically spend as much time as we wanted in whichever country we wanted, to be free to travel back and forth at any point.  To be able to spend as much time as we wanted with the people most important to us (a lot of great friends fall into that category as well).

I’ve told some people about this plan, sometimes without them knowing the ‘why’, and occasionally I’d get a bit of a snicker, as if to say, “That’s a bit of a lofty (perhaps “unachievable) goal, no?”  Yes, it is lofty.  It won’t be easy.  But it’s doable (and perhaps worth doing because it won’t be easy), but not without that ‘why’.

So, why I am writing this?  Well, I think people find comfort and motivation when they know other people are going through something equally hard - I know I do - and if this will help even one person with that, then that is the first reason I’m writing it.

The other reason is to possibly suggest not waiting for that ‘why’ to be handed to you.  ‘Cause I think in most cases, when it does get handed to you, rather than you creating it, it’s going to come in the form of something not quite so nice - the universe giving you a sign that it’s time to quitting friggin’ about.  But if we can somehow create a goal that excites us enough to give us that ‘99%-strong why’, then we’ll just be that much further ahead of the game, and perhaps ourselves save a bit (or a lot) of unecessary heartache.

And I’m not saying it’s an easy thing to do at all.  I certainly wasn’t able to do it.  Like I said, my ‘why’ got handed to me.  But again, perhaps it not being easy is the reason it’s worth doing.

So that’s the first part of my ‘why.’  I’d love to hear about yours, if you care to share.

Cheers,

Rob…

p.s. And just as a bit of an update with my dad, things are a lot better.  The diagnosis turned out not to be something as bad as was first brought to us.  I still wouldn’t use the word ‘great’, but we’re all happy with (and grateful for) the way things have progressed so far.